The Art of Shaming
In some countries, if a woman and a man outside the cirlcle of marriage interact in any way, even as simple as making eye contact, it is considered a sin. In these cultures and places, a holy man or Sheikh or province leader, whatever you'd like to call him, has the full right to stone, throw off a 5-story building, or whip the sinner to death. Even though I completely disagree and view these punishments as totally absurd and illogical, at the end of the day, certain countries have certain traditions, laws, rules, and regulations people are obliged to follow.
We can all agree that we live in a dominantly male planet, especially in the Middle East. Some countries and continents are more open to change, gender equality, diversity, same sex or civil marriages, etc.. A few different countries are much more conservative and are crystal clear about it. Then there's Us; the Lebanese peeps.
The Lebanese citizens are a funny group of people. They boast about their openness, acceptance, bravery, wisdom, tolerance, and that they are “ready for change”. Yet, people are bullied and mocked because they are of a different race or a different religion, because they are homosexuals, because they believe in Science and not in God or because anything else that doesn’t seem ‘normal’ ‘tabi3e’. People are classified based on family names, social status, what's in their bank accounts, political views, gender, and identity. Oh and don't forget, one might also be harassed and tormented because of their sexuality, because they aren't afraid to shut down this sex taboo and own up to their active sex lives. You are sexually active???? Oh, what a slut!
If you were raised on certain morals and values, you go ahead and do them if you agree with what you were taught. Otherwise you, as a human, have the right to stand up for what you believe in even if you have to oppose your family and surroundings sometimes. Regardless of what you choose to do, always keep your own beliefs and views to yourself. Never assume that what you were taught or what you figured out in life works for you will also work for everyone else or that you have the right to pester someone with your unsolicited advice ad opinions. The morals you grew up learning differ between your household and someone else's. It's not fair for you to be shaming another person's actions and choices because you don't agree with them. As long as you are not being personally harmed in the process, you gotta keep your enlightening and precious opinions to yourself.
Both females and males are regularly judged based on their sexuality, femininity, masculinity, sexual drive, even their body and their immense comfort with it all, but again because of the inequality between the two genders, women and their sex lives/choices tend to cause the most commotion in a society. Females have to endure being harassed and molested then being blamed for it. Females have to endure being called sluts and whores because they choose to be sexually open. Females have to tolerate being labeled as prudes and goody-two-shoes if they decide to abstain from sex. Women will have to hear comments and opinions all the damn time for every little thing they do or don't do, and once they are defined by a certain reputation, it will haunt them forever.
A few weeks ago mum and I were having a conversation, as uj. It was a debate about how low men can become when it comes to sex and their own pleasure and how they'll proceed to trash a woman when she gives it to them. So I thought for a moment: If men scold a Woman because she chooses to have sex (or not to) and are so appalled by that, who do they have sex with then? Their hand? Pillow? Themselves? Another man? But Allah forbid you even mention that to them! They'll get so offended they'll start crying: "La2 ana mane 'Loute'! Ana neyem maa banet ad mafi njum bel sama! Ana kel l neswen bet mut 3laye!" Make up your fucking mind, dude.
When I press the publish button at the top of my screen I'll be opening so many doors for critical and shocked peeps to be soooo damn disappointed in me for talking about Sex and especially when - estaghfarallah - it involves Women.
When my friends, classmates, fellow females, and even myself, are always subjected to abusive comments because of our intimacy choices, who we end up with, and our sexual preferences and tendencies, I will damn say something about it because it's not goddamn acceptable anymore. When there are people dying of hunger, poverty, and sickness, countries and cities demolished by hurricanes and tsunamis, when young boys and girls are being robbed off a decent education and endless opportunities, when they're being slaughtered by war-crazed terrorists and army forces of the 'stronger country', when they're being bombed to pieces each and every day, and yet we're still extremely determined to be assholes to other people and meddle in their business when IT DOESN’T CONCERN US IN ANY FUCKING WAY is desperate, vulgar, disturbing, gruesome, petty and obnoxiously useless.
Not all Lebanese citizens tend to act in such a degrading way; a lot of them actually have loud voices. They are fearless, powerful, and they know that meddling in someone else's business when it's not necessary is just nasty.
Now for the rest of y'all that are so judgmental and have their heads shoved so high up their asses and other people's asses too, you should just give it up and look at the bigger picture in life. When shit doesn't concern you it means that it doesn't. Instead go donate a dollar to a needy soul so that you can say 'I did something good in my life' when Lucifer is deciding whether to set your soul on fire or shove you up his ass while you're transitioning from life to the after life. There are bigger, more important things in this universe.
I believe, deep down in my heart, that you are able to make a change and be a decent human instead of an abomination to this world. You can do it, buddy!
To the girl who inspired this post today, I am so sorry you had to go through with this. This post is for you, and for every other woman or man (!!) who's had to suffer discrimination, hate, and insane amounts of judgment in your life, especially because of sexuality.
Be a good person. Stay away from hatred and hostility, instead exude love, acceptance, and tolerance in your life. This world is facing constant and increasing monstrosity each day, it needs the positive energy. You can be that if you choose to, I know you can.
Love and a little annoyance, Kimberly