Only One

I believe that ‘Hate’ is a strong word, and so I try to avoid using it. However, I can truly and genuinely say that I absolutely hate the questions that go between the lines of ‘Which of those is your favorite?’. Sometimes I feel really weird about it like I’m the only one who feels that way about those option questions. “What is your favorite color? Oh, red!” “Do you prefer the beach or lounging by the pool? Uhm, definitely the pool.” Does that drive you insane? Because I know it works every last nerve in my body, it makes me anxious. How can people choose between things like that? If you’d ask me what color I like I’d have a million answers for you: Sometimes I like wearing pink shoes but I usually stick to black. I also like black cars in general but I’d drive an orange Lambo. I like to paint my nails a dark color, but since my school forbids that I opt for a pinkish-nude color - I find it to be a pretty graceful shade. How can I ever choose my favorite color in a world of unlimited and endless colors and shades? I’d like to travel to Cuba because I’m so infatuated with its unique history and that the lifestyle there still feels like the 60s! I’m planning to visit Egypt soon, I’m so excited to witness firsthand those magnificent, statuesque Pyramids that hold the unfathomable mystery of a time that once existed. I listen to so many types of music; when my friends hand me the AUX cord urging me to hype them up and start playing some dope songs, I freeze. How can I possibly choose only one song or one genre to play? Some nights I wait for a friend of mine to call me up and tell me to meet him down in 10 because we’re going on an adventure. Some nights I prefer dining in a super fancy hot-spot in the city. Some days I’d want to lay down under the sun and listen to the waves, and others I’m running in the busy city streets because I have work to do. Some Sundays are spent with the family - a Lebanese tradition- but other days it feels like I don’t know what a family is. 

See, I don’t have a normal or basic pattern, and despite the chaos of this uncertainty, I find peace in the very core of it. People search for this one thing they like or this one place that fills up their soul with happiness or creates this breeze of serenity - that one thing. I never understood that. I still don’t. I’m not quite sure I will ever be able to either.  My upbringing was anything but stable and so that marked me in such a way. Mediocrity and predictability were never my cup of tea. I search for more, always more. I seek happiness in diversity and breathe freely when the various creations of this boundless universe surround me. I can never choose one thing. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Nonetheless, I see the beauty of it more than its instability. Sometimes my own thoughts scare me - I feel like I’m overpowering myself. How can I not settle with one thing? That’s because this universe is too old, too diverse, too mysterious, and too grandiose to settle. Chaos; life is the synonym of chaos in all its beauty and misery. It’s impossible to choose what thing or person or place you like. Only one? How can a thing, a place, a person, or one of anything instill this sense of liveliness, joy, satisfaction, determination, inspiration, craziness, resistance, resilience, power, and peace in a galaxy of existences, beings, and creations? I always perceive myself as a grain of salt in this world’s sea - not because I don’t believe in the power of my presence, but because I believe what I’ll be able to conquer and live in my very humble and short lifespan is but a grain of salt compared to the existence and splendor of our universe. And with that, the sense of hunger and thrill is what motivates me. I’ll never be able to witness all the previous eras or all the coming ones and exist at any time that pleases my heart, so I might as well profit, cherish, and appreciate all that’s given to me and all that’s present around me.