I know y’all don’t want to read some huge-ass essay about New Year and 2018 and the future and all that jazz. But I can’t help myself, I can’t not share with everyone what this year has been like and what I’m feeling for the one to come.

I have so much to say to the point where I don’t even know where to start! My head is spinning around with all these thoughts, but as confusing and tiring as they get, I’m glad atleast I feel something. This year was a rollercoaster just like any other year. The up, downs, speedy climaxes, dreadful lows, the times where my heart was about to explode and my life was full to the times where my days would feel like a living hell. It’s all been good, it’s all been beneficial.

This year, more than ever, I started paying attention to small details, enjoying the tiniest, little moments and taking in as much of my surroundings as I possibly could. This year, despite all the heartache, I found peace and serenity in the small pleasures of life and restored my faith and boosted my energy by trying to understand life and its beauty. Sometimes I’d watch strangers, study the way they walk, talk, react, or even I’d watch my family, the Earth, people around the world and enjoy their presence and our differences.

Loving life so very deeply has brought me a great deal of acceptance, serenity, strength, inspiration, and increased my power to love and live. At this point, I have a deep-rooted attachment to this universe and at times it gets overwhelming, however, it’s a true blessing to feel connected to the world that created you.

In 2018, I also grew more confident and comfortable in my skin. I gave epic love to myself, and whenever I felt like I wasn’t enough or unworthy of life, I’d give even more love to myself. I’m kinda proud of where and how I was able to push my body and mind; mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’ll always stay that way, I believe.

I’ve used simple strategies and methods to show myself appreciation and love along the way, in all my forms, and at all my stages. It’s been lovely falling in love with my own being!

As cliché as this might sound, my family is one thing I would never give up or replace even if my entire life depended on it. I couldn’t be any more grateful and thankful for this universe that blessed me with an unbreakable and untouchable bond with the people who birthed me and raised me. I couldn’t ever possibly express my affiliation and respect to the people I call my family.

Now, it isn’t a coincidence that 3 members of my family were born on the 1st day of the year: mamma, my uncle Jihad, and my sister Magda. These three make up a huge part of my heart. The three people who have the most powerful presence in my life were born on the 1st day of the year; the day that brings new hope, new love, new life, and new opportunities - which describes mamma, Jihad, and Magda’s presence and effect on my life impeccably. I love you three!

My extended family - my school and the people in it - I am forever indebted to all of you for the unwavering and incredible support and love you’ve given me. It’s probably rare for students to feel love towards their school environment, but I’d personally be lost without these people. These next few months mark my last few in school and it makes me ache ❤️

To the friends and people I’ve met along the way of my very messy life, thank you for all that I’ve received and learned because of y’all. Some were good experiences others weren’t as pleasant, some did last and are still going others may have ended, some are flourishing others are being reborn, and some might never live to see the light again - and all of that is okay. All of that is blissful and soulful.

On what marks the last day of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 (awch), I truly hope I’ll have the power to forgive myself and others for all the things that took place. I hope this year I’ll get the chance to mend relationships and have enough courage to leave some in all grace. I hope this year will begin and end sans grudges, hate, and unease. I truly wish that y’all would decide to free yourselves of all the negative energy and start fresh.

I don’t know if I made any sense in all of the above, but I wholeheartedly ask the universe to bless this Earth with the best it can offer. We’ve witnessed so much this year from heartache and resilience too, and so I pray that starting now we’ll be able to stand up for what we believe in against all that destroys the essence of our humanity.

Notice the difference between a human being and being human.

I’m thankful for so much and I’m excited to ride this new wave and I hope y’all are too!

Happiest New Year, beautiful peeps! Stay safe! Don’t drink and drive!